{Monday, April 23, 2007
. }
I thought it'd be a little interesting to mention how I got in touch with religions, and later, Christianity in particular. I had a debate a while ago with some atheists on their entertainment blog, which led to me thinking quite thoroughly on my beliefs, and ultimately, the beginning of my faith.
When I was a young kid, I had barely any idea on what religion was. My parents were Buddhists and thus taught me about the basic beliefs and all. However my best friend was a Muslim, and taught me about the ten big angels they had to know besides Allah. The prayers in Islam, the direction you had to face, the posture and some other tid bits were all fed to me as truth from him. I also had good friends, who were Christians and I learned that Jesus was the Son of God. So I readily accepted all of this as fact. In other words, I believed that Jesus was the Son of Allah, that I had to remember ten angels names, make prayers facing Mecca and that we'd all go to Nirvana when we died, which I thought was heaven. Messed up, I know.
As I slowly grew up I gradually began to ignore religious beliefs as it wasn't really a major issue when you're a child. So I became an atheist because of my science lessons, which ignored, and at times, contradicted religious beliefs. Due to science being proven and such, I thought that all religions were just beliefs and nothing more, just discipline to keep people from doing whatever they want. So I respected beliefs on the outide while I mocked them in my head.
However, when I grew up, I found out that I always liked things on the darker side. The black side. The evil side. Anything to do with black, darkness and the such was always my pick, no matter what. And where's the biggest source of stories and information abut evil? Religion. Although I was an atheist, I won't deny that the different religions got my attention, and the stories about Satan, demons, evil spirits and such mostly caught my eye. So came the time when I read up on the different religions, how the Greek gods bickered with each other and dealt with evil. How the Egyptian gods fought against one another, murdered and cut up each other. How Satan battled against God in heaven, lost and was cast out. It's interesting when its told in story form, but when I read the sources directly, it was extremely boring, and because religions mostly deal with good, it was usually the good stuff that was dull, and the evil stuff perked my attention.
I'm an avid reader, and I had tons of books to show it. I bought plenty of scary books, ghost stories and the likes, and even more so when I moved to Malaysia. Around this time I started dwelling into religions more deeply, and found out that most people had good reasons for believing their own religion. But it was mostly Christianity that shattered my grounded beliefs that it was contradicted inside out. I read through famous apologists works and found that the Bible had much credibility to back itself up and that Christians had much better reasons for believing in Jesus. Although I appreciated the views and such, I didn't choose to believe, because I wasn't part of a church, and my life experiences had pointed me toward a more non-religious, non-personal guy. I was sadistic, depressed, despondent... well, the list goes on. I didn't outright profess it, but my thoughts and beliefs were agnostic.
When I was brought to church, I didn't think I'd come back. Although City Harvest Church impressed me, I still didn't find a really good reason to actually be a Christian. I'll admit, the first few months I came to church was because I had nothing better to do and they invited me to come back every week. It was a good time to meet new friends, and see how Christians lived and worshiped. Only when I broke up with my girlfriend did I really see the love the cellgroup had, and how God truly was real. Sher Ling, my cellgroup leader, really went out of her way to help me and support me and used this time to teach me more about God. I really felt the love from her, and from the Person who made her this way, Jesus.
When I got out of my depression, I was a young Christian, but unlike most of my newly saved friends now, I didn't really focus as much on all the faith, love and stuff as I should have. Instead I focused more on the evil, demons and Satan again. Well, it was the topic that perked my interest in religions to begin with, and being a Christian, because what I believe is truth, I thought I'd find out more on the truth of the darkness. My first Bible verse I ever read was Ephesians 6:12, where it spoke of the principalities and powers of darkness. My first book I read wasn't Genesis, nor the gospels. It was Revelation, and I read quickly till I came upon the parts talking about Satan and hell and the four horsemen, till the end of the world, and that's when I slowly digested what I was reading. Everything I took notice of had darkness or evil in it. And the trend didn't stop as I matured in Christ.
Even now I still have a liking for darkness. Black is my favourite colour. Just take a look at all my blog skins; they always had an element of darkness or death in it. People say I look morbid, like an evil guy. I look sadistic and give a bad impression until they get to know me, and for some people, even the real me is dark to them. I know that darkness is evil, that there will be none in heaven, and I know that I am not going to join darkness by falling away from God. I know my limits and what is right and wrong. But what has never faltered is my fascination with the dark arts and evil. I still learn about them, study them, but never embrace or perform them.
I know I'm more inclined to darkness than most people would deem acceptable. But deep down, I still love God, and I keep His commandments. What people see from my exterior is just what I show from my darker personality. But who I am inside, is someone who was changed by God to be a better person than I ever thought I could have been.
† P§¥KØ †™ testifying at 10:57 AM
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I thought it'd be a little interesting to mention how I got in touch with religions, and later, Christianity in particular. I had a debate a while ago with some atheists on their entertainment blog, which led to me thinking quite thoroughly on my beliefs, and ultimately, the beginning of my faith.
When I was a young kid, I had barely any idea on what religion was. My parents were Buddhists and thus taught me about the basic beliefs and all. However my best friend was a Muslim, and taught me about the ten big angels they had to know besides Allah. The prayers in Islam, the direction you had to face, the posture and some other tid bits were all fed to me as truth from him. I also had good friends, who were Christians and I learned that Jesus was the Son of God. So I readily accepted all of this as fact. In other words, I believed that Jesus was the Son of Allah, that I had to remember ten angels names, make prayers facing Mecca and that we'd all go to Nirvana when we died, which I thought was heaven. Messed up, I know.
As I slowly grew up I gradually began to ignore religious beliefs as it wasn't really a major issue when you're a child. So I became an atheist because of my science lessons, which ignored, and at times, contradicted religious beliefs. Due to science being proven and such, I thought that all religions were just beliefs and nothing more, just discipline to keep people from doing whatever they want. So I respected beliefs on the outide while I mocked them in my head.
However, when I grew up, I found out that I always liked things on the darker side. The black side. The evil side. Anything to do with black, darkness and the such was always my pick, no matter what. And where's the biggest source of stories and information abut evil? Religion. Although I was an atheist, I won't deny that the different religions got my attention, and the stories about Satan, demons, evil spirits and such mostly caught my eye. So came the time when I read up on the different religions, how the Greek gods bickered with each other and dealt with evil. How the Egyptian gods fought against one another, murdered and cut up each other. How Satan battled against God in heaven, lost and was cast out. It's interesting when its told in story form, but when I read the sources directly, it was extremely boring, and because religions mostly deal with good, it was usually the good stuff that was dull, and the evil stuff perked my attention.
I'm an avid reader, and I had tons of books to show it. I bought plenty of scary books, ghost stories and the likes, and even more so when I moved to Malaysia. Around this time I started dwelling into religions more deeply, and found out that most people had good reasons for believing their own religion. But it was mostly Christianity that shattered my grounded beliefs that it was contradicted inside out. I read through famous apologists works and found that the Bible had much credibility to back itself up and that Christians had much better reasons for believing in Jesus. Although I appreciated the views and such, I didn't choose to believe, because I wasn't part of a church, and my life experiences had pointed me toward a more non-religious, non-personal guy. I was sadistic, depressed, despondent... well, the list goes on. I didn't outright profess it, but my thoughts and beliefs were agnostic.
When I was brought to church, I didn't think I'd come back. Although City Harvest Church impressed me, I still didn't find a really good reason to actually be a Christian. I'll admit, the first few months I came to church was because I had nothing better to do and they invited me to come back every week. It was a good time to meet new friends, and see how Christians lived and worshiped. Only when I broke up with my girlfriend did I really see the love the cellgroup had, and how God truly was real. Sher Ling, my cellgroup leader, really went out of her way to help me and support me and used this time to teach me more about God. I really felt the love from her, and from the Person who made her this way, Jesus.
When I got out of my depression, I was a young Christian, but unlike most of my newly saved friends now, I didn't really focus as much on all the faith, love and stuff as I should have. Instead I focused more on the evil, demons and Satan again. Well, it was the topic that perked my interest in religions to begin with, and being a Christian, because what I believe is truth, I thought I'd find out more on the truth of the darkness. My first Bible verse I ever read was Ephesians 6:12, where it spoke of the principalities and powers of darkness. My first book I read wasn't Genesis, nor the gospels. It was Revelation, and I read quickly till I came upon the parts talking about Satan and hell and the four horsemen, till the end of the world, and that's when I slowly digested what I was reading. Everything I took notice of had darkness or evil in it. And the trend didn't stop as I matured in Christ.
Even now I still have a liking for darkness. Black is my favourite colour. Just take a look at all my blog skins; they always had an element of darkness or death in it. People say I look morbid, like an evil guy. I look sadistic and give a bad impression until they get to know me, and for some people, even the real me is dark to them. I know that darkness is evil, that there will be none in heaven, and I know that I am not going to join darkness by falling away from God. I know my limits and what is right and wrong. But what has never faltered is my fascination with the dark arts and evil. I still learn about them, study them, but never embrace or perform them.
I know I'm more inclined to darkness than most people would deem acceptable. But deep down, I still love God, and I keep His commandments. What people see from my exterior is just what I show from my darker personality. But who I am inside, is someone who was changed by God to be a better person than I ever thought I could have been.
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